Entry #150 - Untitled

A bunch of guys are conscripted into the army because there is a war on. They are all lined up on their first day and the drill sergeant comes out. He tells them that the budget is a little tight for guns, so they'll have to use broomsticks instead. But the good news is that after their training they'll be as effective as real guns.

So the drill sergeant gives everyone a broomstick and tells them he's going to teach them how to shoot. He tells them all to aim their broomsticks at a target and yell "bangety bang!" They are a bit hesitant at first, but the drill sergeant looks like he means business, so they practice it anyways, and eventually become quite good at it.

He then says that if the enemy comes in close they'll need to try something different. The budget is too tight for bayonets, so they'll just have to use the broomsticks. This time, however, he instructs them to yell "stabbety stab!" Again, the soldiers think this is ridiculous, but practice it to avoid the wrath of their drill sergeant.

Eventually their training is over, and the drill sergeant informs them that they are to be sent off to the front lines. When they arrive, they are shocked and relieved to realize that the enemy soldiers are also carrying broomsticks.

The next morning, a battle breaks out. Feeling stupid, they raise their broomsticks, point them at the charging enemy, and shout "BANGETY BANG!" The enemy soldiers start to fall over, shot dead. A raging skirmish ensues, cries of "bangety bang!" sweeping across the field. As the two lines become close, shouts of "stabbety stab!" are heard over the ruckus, along the moans and groans of soldiers as they are stabbed to death.

Eventually, only one man on each side is left standing, quite a distance away from each other.

The first soldier raises his broomstick, aims it carefully at his enemy, and shouts "bangety bang!"

But the enemy soldier stays standing. Suddenly, with a incredible turn of speed, the enemy soldier starts jogging, moving inexorably towards his target. Again, the man aims and shouts "bangety bang!", but again it seems to have no effect. He starts to panic, screaming "bangety bang! Bangety bang!" His enemy is still charging at him, almost close enough to touch. He shouts "stabety stab! Stabety stab!" but the soldier knocks him over with the force of an elephant. But just before he gets crushed, he hears the soldier muttering to himself "tankety tank, tankety tank."