Entry #175 - The Hunter & The Farmer

A man goes hunting and shoots a duck, but it lands in the farmers field. After a hefty argument between the hunter and the farmer, the farmer says. "We'll play a game of hick-hick. We kick each other in the crotch once, and whoever screams the most loses. "The Hunter agrees. After being dealt a hefty blow to the balls, the hunter is on the ground for 20 minutes. When he finally recovers he tells the farmer "Your turn." to which the farmer responds, "Nah, you can keep the duck."

Entry #174 - The Red Indians

The Red Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the way of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service. "Will the winter be bad?" he asks. "Looks like it," is the answer. So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later he calls again. "Are you positive the winter will be VERY cold?" "Absolutely," is the response. The chief then tells his people to gather even MORE firewood, then calls the Weather service again: "Can you be sure?" he asks. "Im telling you, its going to be the COLDEST winter on record." "How do you know?" the chief asks. The man responds: "Because the Red Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"

Entry #173 - Stupid Girl

I knew a girl that was so stupid that.......




she called me to get my phone number.


she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrated. "


she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.


she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.


she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.


she tried to drown a fish.


she thought a quarterback was a refund.


she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.


she tripped over a cordless phone.


she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.


she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.


she studied for a blood test.


she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.


when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.


when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.


when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. Man she's STUPID!!!!!!!!

Entry #172 - "I know the whole truth... "

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

Entry #171 - Untitled

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"

The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"

"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

Entry #170 - Untitled

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.

Entry #169 - Aids!

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".